Ghastly's Ultra Secret Blog

Dodged that bullet.

2006-04-06T09:02:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when looking through my referal stats I'll almost be afraid to click the link based solely on the URL. As I said previously, almost any url that has "chan" in it is going to be something that makes you scream "Do not want!" like China Vader.

I noticed a particularily creepy looking URL in the referals today and debated "click or not to click" for some time before I finally sucked it up and clicked the link. Worse comes to worst I end up killing my hard drive with fire and spend a few months in intensive therapy.

For such a creepy url it turns out that http://daddy.stalkylittleboy.com/sites.html was a remarkably mundane little webpage. Thank god too. I'm running out of hard drives here.

Well isn't that nice.

2006-03-09T09:19:00.000-06:00

Getting a little traffic for Apophenia 357 off of a couple of interviews of comic artist Stuart Immonen. One by the ever so charming Joey Manley and another by Chris Arrant at Newsarama. Geeze, makes me feel a little self conscious knowing a real genuine comic guy has seem my work.

Carmengia Plates Say "Lost In Space".

2006-03-05T15:31:00.000-06:00

Really swell mention of both Ghastly's Ghastly Comic and Apophenia 357 on Blondesense.

This is what happens when you put your picture on the internet.

2006-03-01T10:15:00.000-06:00

Appearently they're having fun with a picture of me over on 4chan.

I should probably warn you, I've popped in on 4chan a couple of times because there are a lot of people on my forum who are, as they are called, b-tards, and it's not a place for the weak of heart or stomach.

It actually has a lot of funny stuff there from time to time, but the loli, the guro, and the rampant racism all keep me off there.

But to answer the question I appear to be asking in the photo, "はい、変態ですよ。"

Did you know

2006-02-26T12:52:00.000-06:00

... that the internet can be used to distribute offencive cartoons? They forgot Genki Jesus, although he hasn't appeared anywhere but in a Freddy Tract.

EX-TERM-IN-ATE!

2006-01-30T09:21:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I've found anything really nifty in my referal links. Today I found this linked to on a page that linked to my comic.

Vintage Dalek Comics

Alternate origin story for the Daleks. I really dig the vintage comic art. I should try making a retro looking comic sometime. Either a pulp sci-fi or a "nazi smasher" adventure comic.

Go up, thou bald head!

2005-12-21T14:22:00.000-06:00

One of the oddest collections of webcomic links I've ever seen.

Quick, what's the emoticon for "my brain's been broken"?

2005-12-05T14:09:00.000-06:00

Today's trip through the referal stats took me somewhere truly creepy, warped, and strange. I'm surprised I hadn't heard of this before.

Did you know

2005-11-25T10:46:00.000-06:00

The porn industry is like a giant Lovecraftian diety, with more tentacles than an otaku she-male's favorite dinner date.

I've created a meme

2005-10-14T12:24:00.000-05:00

How cool is this?

Awwww... tentacoo wape

2005-10-08T10:03:00.000-05:00

Today's trip through the referal looking glass took my to a hentai BBS where this little comic about a gal finding a pet in a box was posted.

Kyoooooooooot! Even though you don't actually get to see the tentacle monster it still seems awfully cute.

Yes, let's. Let's indeed.

2005-09-27T20:33:00.000-05:00

Let's talk tentacle rape.

Eeek! Skin is evil!

2005-09-26T17:02:00.000-05:00

So today I notice a link in the referals that takes me to what appears to be a BBS where cosplayers bitch about how skanky/attentionwhoreish other cosplayers are.

Oh sweet lady irony.

It never fails to amaze me that some people are more tramatized by exposed flesh than they are by weapons of violence. Sometimes I think the world just plain sucks. Then I realize it's mostly North America that's predominantly infected by puritan attitudes. Then I remember it's mostly one particular chunk of North America that's predominantly infected by puritan attitudes.

I can't wait for the day when a person can walk naked down a street without raising an eyebrow but the sight of an impliment of violence causes people to feel disgust. Too bad it's not going to happen in my lifetime.

Although I'll compromise by drawing hot naked chicks with guns just so I can piss everybody off.

If goggles = "do nothing" then eyes = "burning"

2005-09-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

Often I'll find links in the referal page to someone's blog. Sometimes they'll be links to LJ friends lists and I'll see other blogs besides the one linking to my site.

Sometimes they make my eyes hurt.

My eyes! My sweet, precious, fucking eyes!

Where's my flying car?

2005-09-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

Today I noticed a spike of traffic coming over from Fleshbot where a rather favourable review of my webcomic was posted.

I really should make up some T-Shirts with that Jesus quote.

I'm all about the reasonable potatoes.

2005-08-29T18:02:00.000-05:00

Been away for awhile. Spent over a week at my sister's place in my hometown of Simcoe. Been away to the CNX convention in Toronto over the weekend. I'm nice and settled now and got a chance to look through my referal stats for the first time in ages and found myself a nice little referal from a russian blog which reads as follows.

Как приготовить оленьи печенья, чем и в кого играют дети, ужасные последствия долгой работы маковской мышью и другие эпизоды из жизни разумного картофеля. Для взрослых.

Having no idea how to read russian I took a trip over to Bablefish. Sure the translations are usually laughable but often you get enough to get a gist of what's being said. According to Bablefish this is what was written about my comic.

As to prepare deer pastries, than in whom play children, terrible consequences of long work by makovskoy mouse and other episodes from the life of reasonable potatoes. For the adult.

I really need to start a new webcomic about the lives of reasonable potatoes.

I click so you don't have to.

2005-08-10T14:26:00.000-05:00

This is why my referal stats page is not a place for the weak of heart or stomach.

Not just dickgirls...

2005-07-06T15:42:00.000-05:00

Here's a link that I found in my referal stats today. Asian Sexy Shemales. From what I understand the way referal spam usually works is some script on the site fudges things so that it appears as the referal for where ever the person next visits. That means just before reading my webcomic today this reader was checking out the action at Asian Sexy Shemales.

Okay. Who was it? C'mon don't be shy. We're not here to judge.

I tell you though, asian girls, boys, boy-girls, are certainly the princes and princesses of the online porn industry. No other continent appears to be so highly coveted in the realm of porn as is Asia. It seems that for every fetish that exists there also exists a website dedicated specifically to the asian subset of that fetish.

If there's a spanking website then the laws of internet porn dictate there must also be an asian spanking website. If there's a bestiality website then the laws of internet porn dictate there must also be an asian bestiality website. If there's a powertools fetish website then by law there must also be an asian powertools fetish website (hmmm... I wonder if it means anything that most of my powertools are Makita).

It seems that for any fetish site that exists the sure-fire way to improve that fetish is to add asians. It reminds me of that old Ritz Crackers commercial which said "everything tastes better on top of a Ritz". Which means if you can improve the taste of a Ritz cracker simply by putting it on top of another Ritz cracker. It also means the best taste experience you will ever have will be the biggest stack of Ritz Crackers you can fit inside your mouth.

By this reasoning the best sex experience you will ever have will be the biggest pile of asians you can get to fuck you.

Of course there also seems to be one other porn modifier that has the same effect as "asian". It would seem that for every fetish website out there there must also be a similar website with the "teen" modifier. Spanking website < teen spanking website. Powertool fetish website < teen powertool fetish website.

I don't know which modifier is more powerful, teen or asain but undoubtedly both would be combined to create the most uber of all websites the "teen asian" website. So a "teen asian powertool fetish website" would trump all other powertool fetish websites. By extrapolation this would seem to suggest that the most mind-blowing sexual experience you could have would be the biggest orgy of asian teens you can fuck but my real life experiences tell me this couldn't possibly be true.

A big pile of naked asian teens, self conscious, inexperienced, still carrying a bundle of social hangups, fumbling and bumbling about the general genital area. I think it could be better.

Let's face it, the truth of the matter is human beings don't really come into their sexual prime until their 30s. Sure, physically men are at their peak in their late teens, we can get it up instantly, but it's unpredictable and can go off without a moment's notice. We also really don't have a freaking clue what we're doing, we're carrying a lot of personal hang-ups and insecurities and emotionally, well most of us are a bunch of retards. Not just the guys, women too. Let's face it when we're teens we think we know it all, or more accurately we know we don't really know it all but we don't dare let anyone else know we don't know it all because everyone else seems to act like they know it all so we'd better know it all too. Most people around their mid-twenties begin to relize what a total fucking idiot they were as teenagers and would like to go back in time and kick their own ass around.

By the time you start to get into your 30s you realize that not only do you not know everything but that it's okay not to know everything. You've also become more secure with who you are as a sexual being and you've shed a lot of the unhealthy social hangups reguarding sex and self-worth... that is, assuming you've matured which isn't a given. Let's face it, I know people in their 50s who are still the same immature pricks they were at 15. You've also, if you're lucky, gained much more sexual experience. You've learned to read the cues of what your lover does and doesn't like. You may have picked up a few "mind blower" signature moves too guarenteed to drive 'em wild. You're probably a lot less selfish a lover.

So all in all I'd have to say that the teen asian modifier wouldn't translate as well off the net. Now give me the biggest stack of nekkid 30-something asians I can fuck and there's be a pretty mind blowing sexual experience. Although I don't think I'd want them to all be asian. I like asian girls. I married an asian girl (India is part of Asia). But if I'm going to have an orgy then by golly I'm not looking for an Attack of the Clones. Give me diversity, give me a rainbow of ethnicities and body types that I can get all up ons...

... and I guess for extra pleasure, slip a Ritz under them all.

Appearently I've pissed off the MegaTokyo crowd.

2005-07-04T13:28:00.000-05:00

You want the Sperm Jokes? You want the SPERM JOKES!? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SPERM JOKES!

Oh those whacky superheros.

2005-07-02T15:52:00.000-05:00

Today's trip throught the referal stats ended up taking me to the Scans Daily community blog. I ended up pissing away my entire afternoon digging through the archives for the comedy gold nuggest within.

I had almost forgotten about the Spidey Mobile.

Is there anything fruit pies can't do?

1.21 Jiga-watts!?

2005-06-27T16:19:00.000-05:00

These guys have caught on to the fact that I use time travel to create my gags.

This message brought to you by the shotgun effect.

Just because you own a computer doesn't mean you have to use it.

2005-06-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

Man... they've got Wikis for everything now.

Poop and Cock, together at last.

2005-05-26T15:14:00.000-05:00

You never know what's in store for you when you follow a link in your referals to someone's Live Journal page.

Today I was pleased to see Jeff Rowland was tackling the mystery of the Poop Cock.

Come To Meineke

2005-05-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes things show up in my referal stats and I have no idea why. Here's one here that shows up from time to time. There's no link to my page anywhere on it just a link to a collection of short little MP3s of the "one man, one microphone" psuedo-dadaist variety. I've got to admit I've been giggling my ass off listening to them. So far my favorite of the lot is "Come To Meineke". There are two things that make just about anything funny. One is anything said with a pitchshift effect set to "chipmonk" particularily swearing. The other is anything said with a computer text-to-speech program. Stephen Hawking makes everything funny.

Oh this isn't going to be pretty.

2005-05-18T16:50:00.000-05:00

Somethings are never good to see in your referal stats. Anytime I see traffic coming from the /b/ directory of imageboards with japanese sounding domain names I know clicking that link is not going to make me a happy camper (curse you 4chan, curse you Pyoko, the things you've done to my eyes can never be undone).

There's that same kind of dread that fills you whenever you see referals from a thread on the Something Awful forums. Oh yeah, this is gonna be pleasant.

Thankfully enough I came out of that thread pretty good. It was more of a "let's pick on Fred Gallagher" thread. Now I'm all for tweaking Fred Gallagher's nose. It's almost a hobby of mine. I'm all for tweaking the nose of anyone with any degree of celebrity or notoriety and as such I fully understand it when my nose gets tweaked too. It comes with the territory. The only problem I have with the Fred Gallagher bashing is often it's not tweaks on the nose so much as punches to the cock. "OMFG! Fred Gallagher is a fat pedophile old man LOL!" is not a tweak on the nose. There's plenty of valid things you can criticise Fred Gallagher for.

You can start with the fact that for a guy who makes his living from his webcomic he's got one of the sorriest excuses for a work ethic I've ever seen. Seriously, the guy takes on the comic full time and he still has Dead Piro Days and Shirt Guy Dom days falling out of his ass everytime he bends over to pick up the Azumanga Daioh dolls he just dropped. I'd love to be able to do a great big ol' rant roasting him on that point but I've got to tell you, as a lazy person myself, I kind of admire him on that point. No seriously that's some fucking talent to be able to be that big a slacker and still make a living at it. On behalf of the half-assed everywhere in the world I salute you Fred Gallagher.

By the way, nothing in the above paragraph should be taken as a slight against Azumanga Daioh. I fricken love that comic.

Hell if you're looking for things to tweak him on the nose for you've got the fact that his webcomic is possibly the most popular work of blatant Mary Sueism (is that even a word) since... oh hell I don't know, has there ever been a Mary Sueism as Mary Sue as MegaTokyo? Where does Fred Gallagher end and Piro begin? I doubt even Fred Gallagher can answer that question. Hopefully the answer lies somewhere ahead of the vagina of teenage girls which brings us to the slightly creepy thing about MegaTokyo's Mary Sueism and a source of much rich nose tweaking material.

Teenage girls all lusting after Piro. Now this little quirk often gets Fred malisciously labled "pedophile" when I can assure you absolutely nothing could be further from the truth. Pedophiles are strictly interested in pre-pubiscent children. The word you're looking for is "hebephilia". That's the attraction to post pubescent adolescents between the ages of 14 and 19. But let's face it how much can you fault him for that? Who amoungst us is so stone cold as to proclaim that they have not seen a teen or two in their time they found to be physically hot, and by physically I mean "smokin'" and by hot I mean "ooooh baby!". Yes there's a little hebephilia in all of us if we're honest enough to admit it, no shame in that. Shame perhaps if you act upon it, especially when you're over the age of 23 (and I don't care that it's legal here in Canada for me to bang teenage girls I still think it would be way too damned creepy even by my standards). Still while I can understand the themes of hebephila that run rampant through Fred Gallaghers penciled fantasy life it remains a rich and valid source of nose tweaking material.

Of course my personal favorite goldmine of nose tweakability is the peculiar psuedo-gender dysphoria Fred Gallagher seems to have. I would not say it's true gender dysphoria because I seriously do not believe that Fred Gallagher is a woman trapped inside a man's body. No I don't think Fred secretly longs to be a woman. It would be much more accurate to say Fred overtly longs to be a 14 year old Japanese girl. A sad, quiet, shy, 14 year old Japanese girl with strong lesbian tendancies. Oh there's a nose ripe for the tweaking right there.

Here's another nose you can tweak. I strongly suspect, gathered from what I've heard-tell spoken in the darker corners of the internet, that Fred Gallagher fucked Rodney Gaston up the ass. Now I don't mean that in the "they went to a convention together, had a few too many beers, succumbed to forbidden temptation alone in the hotel room one night and woke up the next morning thinking 'oh my fucking god, what have I done?'" kind of way. I mean I believe that Fred put a quarter on the sidewalk in front of Rodney's house and then spray painted "FRED GALLAGHER'S MEGATOKYO" on the side of an 18-wheeler then waited for Rodney to bend over to pick up the quarter at which time he popped that clutch and aimed that rig square at Rodney's puckered brown eye. That's the kind of ass fuck I'm talking about here. Love him or hate him I really think ol' Rodney deserved better than that. If nothing else it serves as a bold cautionary tale about collaborating with other people. Oh if only Rodney had invested a little time and money in art lessons.

Now some might also say, and not without valid cause, that his fans are an excellent source of extra nose tweaking goodness, but that would not be me. I draw a freaking comic where nubile young women are pleasured by great tentacled beasties, who am I to judge the fans of other comics. I've probably got one or two whacky ones myself and god love each and ever one of them. And by god I of course mean great tentacled beasties. Still some of his fans are preeeeeeeeetty out there. I had the pleasure of being at a convention Fred Gallagher was at once and got to see some truly bizarre examples of fandom the one that will forever live ecthed into the very fabric of my mind is a young teenage girl. They were giving away autographed, numbered photocopies of a sketch by Fred Gallagher to the first 1000 people at the convention (I actually have one. I've contemplated colouring it and then auctioning it off on ebay. I wonder if there's someone out there who would pay good money for a collaborative work of art signed by Fred Gallagher and your pal Uncle Ghastly here). Anyways upon receiving her print this young girl of lolicon years screamed like... well not unlike she was just violated by a great tentacled beastie to tell you the truth, proclaimed her undying love for Piro and then, and I kid you not... and then, and I'm not exaggerating this is the least here... and then, honest to fucking god this is no bullshit... and then she stuck out the length of her wee loligirl tongue and proceeded to lick, repeatedly the drawing of Piro. Her friend watched on with gleeful approval (but did not lick her own print). Someday CSI is going to do an episode where someone murders a MegaTokyo fan at a convention by giving them a photocopy of a Fred Gallagher sketch that's been coated with an extra yummy toxin. Kree-fucking-pee! Still, like I said, who am I to judge?

So you see gang, there's nose a' plenty to have fun with here. I'm sure I've only but scratched the surface. There's no need to go for the cock punch. It's a fine line between poking fun and just being a dink. So please, no more "OMFG! Fred Gallagher is a fat old pedobear! ROFLOLI!!!!!1". You can do better than that internet. Really, you can.

Oh, and again I curse you 4chan for ever giving me the knowledge of what a "pedobear" is. Why... why do I click the referal link? They never have anything good to say about me anyways. I'm a masochist. Sure I come off all rough and maid-spankin' Domness but deep down inside there must be some kernal of self loathing that want me to hurt myself. Why do I click... WHY!?